i am spinning in a whirl of uncertainties, fears and thoughts about why am i and what am i trying to say. going around in circles. trying, failing, and failing and failing, but trying again, bringing myself back to the table, scribbling in my sketchbook, pushing myself through blocks of being scared of paper. waiting for a miracle with closed eyes like a kid wishing to get a pony as a christmas present. looking for a shortcut. expecting immediate results. creating a screen between me and necessary negativity that allows growth.
and i am so grateful to be living in this crazy present world, even though it feels overwhelming most of the time. there are people who speak about things i am so scared of, giving hope - for free, out of sheer desire to help the others. who remind me that this is an essential part of the journey. all the setbacks, all the tears, all the doubts. they refine the path. they shape you. you have to go through the maze in order to get prepared for fighting the dragon.