i'm tired. i'm tired and i hate myself for it, and i don't know if that's the cultural glorifying of the labour, or is it that i feel like i could've (and should've) done more, but wasted my energy on the wrong things.

guilt shame follows me wherever i go like a very annoying ghost, mumbling something about how little of a human i am, going over and over through the list of all the wrongs that i had ever committed. punishing me for my human emotions. blaming me for feeling lonely, annoyed, tired; judging my anger, judging my tears, judging my weakness.

i feel confused and heartbroken. and i can't forgive myself for it. there is not much left of my strength now, is there? guilt is my monster. it makes me believe that i'm not enough. it makes me want to apologise to the whole world for being born.