one of the reasons i am so scared to choose is the thought that by choosing this one thing i am neglecting the rest and will never have a chance to change my mind. this fear is connected to everything i have to pick at some point or the other, and the level of intensity is absolutely same regardless of the importance of the matter - whether it is a choice of a place to live or a tooth paste brand. i am still completely lost in grocery stores, roaming through shelves in a supermarket, with racing heart: "what do i want? do i really want that? does my body need it? am i going to feel bad? am i going to get fat? what if i don't need it, why would i waste money on it then? where the fuck do i get money?" and so it goes on and on, a snowball of stressed thoughts, provoking more stress. too many choices. too much responsibility. i am scared to make a wrong choice, like if there was right or wrong.

the other reason is a necessity of dealing with real consequences of my choices, having to find out the truth, falling and rising… i am scared to live.