i have envisioned every single scenario of our meeting except for the one that has actually happened. i hate open endings. i hate being left with a spark of hope that it's not the end. but i am so grateful to you for the opportunity to cry it all out. tell you that i still love you. tell you how much you hurt me.
it is also an unbelievably huge relief to know that you care. and that you love me, and that you you have missed me. i knew it immediately once i first looked into your eyes. it was strange and confusing to not feel any distance between us as if those 5 month of silence never happened. but it was your call to hug me, and kiss me. i remember alarms going off in my head the moment i raised my head to look into you. but you were the one to comfort me, and you were the one who kissed me, and it felt so natural and right.
i am also very grateful that you didn't make an attempt to talk about coming back. because i don't need it, i love my freedom, i love being alone, but everything is different in your presence.
well, it's nice to know that my libido isn't dead and just hiding, waiting for the right person to call it.
please, don't come back, because if you do, i won't be able to find strength to say no. i love you, big bablouska. maybe some day, when the place and time is right, we will find each other again.