it feels so incredibly strange to be consciously closing a whole chapter of my life that i can't seem to process all the emotions that come with that decision. my mind protects me in the most ridiculous way possible by switching my attention to the irrelevant and trivial worries. so here comes a new wave of body image issues, being nervous around food, being constantly hungry, too; then, a marvellous condition "i am no one", and my absolute personal favourite: hypochondria and paranoia. now i am finally glad that i had to go through that same crisis a year ago, because understanding the pattern of the condition helps me fight it. but it is still a lot harder than i would hope.
i have to breath deep now and stay open. sometimes to get where you want to be, you have to take a step back and get rid of what is dragging you down, and that is okay.