my success is invisible, even trees grow faster, and it makes me wonder if there is any or i just made it all up.
but there are some achievements inside of me - i do not force self-compassion anymore, i wasn't scared of kate when she came, i don't feel insecure talking about my beliefs (and it's not that i hold on to them so tightly, i am just very certain about some things, but also leaving some space for new thoughts and ideas to slip through). a lot of things are so much more natural now than they were before, like analyzing situations instead of panicking, noticing feelings, catching unwanted thoughts, being able to direct their flow into something better. i have created some methods for overcoming different conditions, and mostly they work, which is a surprise for me as those methods are very radical and paradoxical.
but i am still completely alone, and ghosts of the past are floating around me. from time to time i let them take over and allow my mind to immerse in this nostalgy. it is not bad, but this is slowing me down like a sedative.