being at the desk in marabou brings same old habits - reading shit articles on self-development or other, scrolling my feed, jumping from one thing to another. this environment doesn't let me move on to the cool stuff, but it is me who is unable to move on, isn't it? i mean, how can i keep blaming the world around me for my problems, even subconsciously?
also, it is so funny to read those posts on how to be a better person. there is always a piece of a advice about not hanging out with certain people - negative people, people that complain a lot, people that take your energy… what if i am that person? is it why i am alone, is it why no one is eager to get to know me better? (why would i need many people to get to know me better?..)

the weirdest desire to say 'i love you' to someone. desire to smoke, drink, numb it out - something big, black and scary inside of me. i am very scared, very.