every time i think i am healed from my constant self disrespect and hatred, a go back into the stage of feeling unworthy. crying that i'll die alone, like yesterday when i had a shooting pain in my chest and i just needed someone to click my back, and there was no one i was comfortable enough with to ask about that.
i remember i used to ask lewis to do it.
i do need someone to love me and this is still my inability to love myself enough, and appreciate myself.
i feel the loneliest now, so much lonelier than this summer. there is no one, not a single soul around me, and i have got to be strong enough to get through everything myself, and i am scared i'm at my weakest point. and i hate "have-tos" and i hate "shoulds".