days became surreal, long and detached from one another. it feels like life reboots itself every morning when i wake up. or that i am moving through parallel universes one by one, each day.
i bought myself a bottle of red wine, cheese and olives, to watch pretty women on the screen and soothe my soul. soothe is such a beautiful word.
diving into my solitude feels much better than constant anxiety. i haven't produced a single picture in 3 days. my creativity is mouldy, my mind is cloudy and very busy worrying about ethics, health and future. i am lonely and feasting my eyes on that. every day, little by little, it becomes easier to admire my body. gaining weight is psychologically hard, but i actually think i like my face better now. my harmony will come with my period, i believe that, even worrying about pregnancy (yes, again… neverending story).
it will be a million times better, though, i know that, i know i just need some time to recharge and fill my well. one day of silence would be enough.