emotions arise and vanish into the void. my mind is unclear, my phsychological condition is unstable. i go deep under the layers of self-pity, conciously, and get out of it with a terribly familiar sense of needyness. i only hope that it's my hormones playing tricks with me (the length of this pms is of a lifetime). i have learned, but understanding something doesn't nesessarily mean applying it to the reality. i want to have less expectations.
i am wasting my inner resource on people that don't deserve it, i am stewing in the feelings that bring me no outcome, i am making sparkles of wrong thoughts bigger than they are. i am still missing out on myself.
but the universe knows what to do and how to help me, and i am not as lost as i was before. i am attentive to little presents, i notice how caring this life is. i need thiss, all of it, the pain and sorrow as much as joy and satisfaction. pain makes me move. sorrow is a sign of a mistake on my path. a mistake is a great stroke of luck when i see it as an opportunity.