i have got to keep reminding myself how slow i am about everything. i used to expect too much of myself. so, say, decided to do all those million things, and when the next day the are not done, i go "oh i'm worthless. i can just go and bury myself somewhere. nothing is working out". but the progress is visible later on. you can't expect a pineapple to grow in a second.

for now i've got a relief, a sense of deep satisfaction and sciatic pain in my back. the satisfaction is inexplicable. it's so pervasive, so sweet, so beautiful. my being is vast and wonderful. the world is full of treasures. there's something in the air that i can lick.