боже он только что потрогал мое ухо и я чуть не умерла

fuck, and here we have it. i am detached and confused, but i feel good. i am also overwhelmed and sad because i don't know how to interpret his behaviour towards me. i think it will end here, the moment he leaves, and there is nothing that could make it more that it is. i hate this, i so do, but i don't even know if he is attracted to me, but i am drowning in his eyes and i don't care how cheesy it sounds. it also gives me a lot of throwbacks to lewis, so many images, so many memories. i want to hold on to this feeling and i don't at the same time. i am missing out on my life, i should be scared and i should keep going, but i am here watching myself and my life and not living it, not taking the responsibility. i am so interested in this guy and it makes me frustrated. i still feel his touch on my shoulder and i am not sure how he meant it.