and here we are again, and i don't know what to do. i want him. i want myself. it doesn't seem to be working together, but is the problem inside me or him?

this will hurt, no matter what happens. but i can do it. whatever it is, i can.
if he cheated on me
if he fell in love
if he has decided that he no longer wants me but had no guts to tell me
if he didn't care enough to write me
if he never writes me again
if he chose to start over without telling anyone
if i tell him we can't be together anymore
if he wanted to show me i am strong enough to do everything alone
if he was too busy or had no internet.

pain is my friend. it will make me stronger. it will help me feel the ground under my feet and push off it to fly. it will help me realise how amazing i am and how much i deserve. i will be free.